If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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