R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
