I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he was CRYING into my vagina
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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