I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
