my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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