so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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