TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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