She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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