stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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