At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
