I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
