dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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