im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
