HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
