I love black thongs
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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