i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
