Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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