Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
