Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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