Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
