Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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