Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
