He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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