Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
