i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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