so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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