my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
