We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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