Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
