Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
