tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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