When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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