May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
