do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
