just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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