so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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