I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
