I just saw a hot homeless man
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
