Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
