How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
