Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
