I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
