My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
