Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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