She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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