So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
