i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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