So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
