im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
