I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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