Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
