The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
